2Square

Today is a special day Carol..today is my birthday..  almost one full year has passed since our final meeting..  i spent my birthday with you last year.. i remember waking up while you slept and writing Time Travel... it was as much a gift for myself as it was to you and the readers...after the miles began to separate us... we began quickly to separate from each other....we never speak anymore...the only way we greet each other is with the occasional ... :) ....or sometimes a <3...truthfully they never make me smile ....and i find no heart in these symbols either.......i’m sure we have both grown much since leaving London.. .. I feel a little new growth inside myself everyday.....i came back to the United States while you returned home to Portugal....since leaving i’ve written many words regarding my thoughts and feelings about you and life.. what couldn’t be written i pushed into the walls with all the force i could muster with every can that touches my fingertips.... i wield brushes and words like knives throwing them at targets... just the same as these spray cans...... a magician and his deck of cards... or Michael Jordan at the 3 point line...the clock counts down....5,....4,....time slows.......3..release.....2,....1.... swish.... confidence... control.. even in the eye of the storm..... some days for a second or 2 i feel depleted and spent... but most of the time i burn with a wild fury inside my stomach that makes me walk paces in the ground as i work from day to day........ i didn’t know what to expect upon my return back to the states... what would or wouldn’t happen?... i was such a fool to think i could return to Europe again so soon..the Amazing Race flew us to Los Angeles but didn't come through and we never had a chance to compete for the prize money.... since returning Jeremiah and i have had million dollar meetings at long tables with men in dark suits... they always promise us the world.. they hold us close at first whispering sweet nothings in our ears... i swear sometimes it makes my toes curl....and then they always hold us further away at arms length held in place by a thin string...wait,..... wait, .....wait for it....then they cut the string...after the final release we never hear from them again...this looks like a pattern...its heartbreaking...  everyday I wake up and paint the best i can paint.. i draw the best i could draw, i write the best i can write.. sometimes switching to Lefty to proof read my work... when that doesn’t work i switch hands and try harder with my left... everyday over and over...paint, paint, paint, write, write, write, draw, draw, draw,.... you can’t imagine my focus... in a brain with so much smog... intensity even at 1 am in the morning..with the clock ticking in my ear like it’s the last seconds of the game.....click..click ..click.....ready? wait for it.....i’ve jumped further into my mind in order to further define this definition... in which case i believe that i may have gotten lost inside these various descriptions ...... and classifications...... 2square is separated by feet in the small space that we live in at most times...but our minds are usually a million miles apart... most of the time i can guess what he’s thinking... but then again who really knows?... we both have our own devil’s to fight and paint.... when i sleep i dream of distant lands.....deserts, mountains, long stretching city’s, bright tiled buildings, stone roads that climb straight up into the sky, hot trains packed with people like rats filled with of hot stale air, canals cramed with long boats tightly packed together, 3 story parking garages filled with piles of bicycles, tall dark buildings vacant with broken windows standing tall like defeated warriors.... every city is the same..very city is different. filled with people and wild cats prowling about in search of their own delight....during these dreams I visit old friends.. we laugh and play catch up as you can only in dreams...when i wake i wonder if it was a dream or a distant memory?.. reality world and dream world begin to weave between each other like a thick blanket....it becomes harder to decipher with each day...i press on and push these thoughts aside and once again paint.....hopes, fears, fantasy life..... imagination.. reality.. they are all now one in the same.... i wonder how real you are to me now? were you ever real? really here?  was i ever really there? you are beginning to become fictional like the characters i paint on the walls and in my sketchpads..the details are become blurry.. the outline is starting to take on new forms...i no longer need pictures of you to paint you.. you exist in my mind....i paint them from here... a princess, a zombie bride, a new love, a old flame, a heartbeat, a beam from the sun....they are all here and more.. waiting in dark corners to be pulled out to the world of reality....if i pulled you out and we spoke i wonder would you sound the same as i remember?  would you move the same? every 2 steps i take closer to these dreams i step away by 2....distancing myself from the reality of the norm...excepting nothing.. accepting everything....what is the exception? in chase of becoming exceptional?... i strike this wall everyday in hopes that it may collapse... but what will i paint if it ever truly breaks and nothing is left?....what waits for us on the otherside?

Carol, I sit now in the tiny space I call home...however the space inside me seems infinite...limitless..expanding... Increasing by the minute...if not by the second...my journey has been a twisty road of self discovery..broken heart and recovery....addiction to you..and now myself.... Maybe I've always been addicted to myself...somehow you always came in at a close 2nd...in the end maybe that's more important to a number 2....but you know how people crave to be number 1.... I've been exploring my mind and the world around... Reaching out to it..if not reaching into it directly...sometimes reaching even further into myself... Im trying to become a better man through my actions......when I can by teaching what I've learned.....I've looked inside the darkest corners of myself...while searching continents across the globe for a pure love..only to find scattered fragments here and there.. But never a whole...no matter the image...no matter the picture.. I could always look closely and find a crack or hole....so I began to wonder...am I mad? Or did a whole she exist? My match?. complete compatability? Or if only fragments of stars surrounded me in this time and space? I hungered for more.... Does more exist? is it infinite in the space that surrounds? Limitless? As is the curvature of a hip.. Divided by the square root of 2... See even though the variables are limitless... It's not about the math.. Or the science.. even more than the chemistry ..in every case you still have to add together the properties of individuals to see compatibility... Some things can be mixed at first but slowly melt eachother away.. Like Leo and Scorpio...i know ive tried this mixture twice myself...both times a lethal dose of love erupted nearly taking down the both of us...an intense love that grabs you tightly.. But gradually squeezes the last beat out of a foolish heart...I've tasted high levels of love with 3 people... 2 of which had slightly similar variables.., the last being you...a Libra....even with you I felt a thing or 2 lacked..such as your ability to commit...but with our small window of time you never had to take that test...up until this point maybe you had been the closest to what I needed... Or at the time what i felt like I needed...after awhile...in your absence.. I continued...dating and such....but it seemed pointless... Maybe there is no match for such an unusual creature like myself? I've thought before I must admit...in the beginning of May however I met someone..she is a Sagitarius...we've spent almost every second together since....Carol I have to tell you all the previous side effects of love that I had experienced before I now feel...lack of hunger, nausea, anxiousness, dizziness...etc etc...I feel them all and more... Most importantly, She loves me. Maybe I should hold back but you know I always try to stay open in this space.. For you and the people that look in from time to time..here and all the spaces I inhabit on my daily travels of world exploration on the path to our ultimate glory...I feel certain of this..as I do the 2 that hangs from my neck...but still I am human, therefore i hunger... for love....for a familiar touch that warms my skin, soul, and heart.. I stand here now looking thru long eyelashes into big dark eyes that make me radiate heat from my very core... In them I see a love I had forgotten.. I have found and experienced this phenomenon known as love twice in just under one year..had you asked me if this would be possible before I would have said....no..maybe?.. But Not to this degree.. But then we are all separated by only a few degrees.. Or we are all just separated....I believe this to be my last letter to you Carol. With love Justin (2square)

I hope this letter reaches you in time..but what is time? .it seems my clock is losing pace. I've paused here in a holding pattern....As if circling something I can't find .. Before taking off to the next place.. The work here is steady, never ending, appreciated, and respected....I don't have the words to tell you how this feels. We've begun walking and intermingling with our peers...brilliant artist we look up too...It's strange.. Imagine standing stretched on your tip toes peering over a fence reaching for something you can't quite grasp. ...but can see clear as day...I'm not sure what "it" is I'm reaching for.. But I feel "its" presence surrounding me like a cloak of fur.. It's not something you can easily explain or even put your finger on......at times it protects me.... but i fear in time it may give way....or turn against...whatever that means.. I feel this.... much the same as I feel the end of this city around a bend or 2 for us.. this brings sadness to my deepest depths ....i know every crevice and curve of these dark streets...But as we both know great love affairs and such must come to an end in due time.. we've been flirting with life and death..destiny waits just behind every door... Seductively sticking her leg out to tease us......some people watch closely peering thru this looking glass... They see the triumphs and the disappointments..this place is as exposing as a severed nerve......with that said I step out of the box......also stepping out of my door into a salvage yard filled with old things....things that men keep to possibly fix or return to at some point.....beautiful old things slowly becoming more dead... and with it more beautiful....it is a beauty that most see but will never see.. I wonder..Here? among this salvage will we now find our salvation?..i can't tell you what i believe in from day to day..But I can tell you I believe in myself...i believe in Jeremiah....I can see our improvement in the last year.... developing unique techniques... jumping further into them I've begun to jump further into myself.. It's a odd feeling running into your own mind..I imagine it something like running into oncoming traffic... Finding a complete connection to something like a brush, a can, or a city even.. something that doesn't breathe but is still capable of life and death..do you follow? we learn new lessons almost everyday.. And even more lessons with each city..... Things I can't teach.. Things a teacher can't teach.. Things you see.. Things you feel...things you experience..things that change you... Good and bad things...phenomenons...natural and otherwise...our anchor is cast deep into the Miami sand... Though the sand rarely touches our feet.... ...we plan to leave in 2 months.. 2 months...2 months...twoooooooooo monttttthhhhhssss..It's funny we've been saying this number since we first got here in mid November.. I don't think a psychic could tell you our next move... Still I'm sure many people would try and speculate....my body is being pulled back across the ocean to Europe.... Not during the day but at night when I sleep....but as of now my light pockets hold me here during the day...in a weightless gravity...i know that a mans fortune can change from day to day.. With that in mind I climb further into my mind.... and begin to paint faster... Now with 2 hands.. Training them both with brushes and spray cans... The movement in my left hand becoming more and more natural...I'm not sure what it is that pushes me.. I know I want to be better and I believe I can be..maybe this Belief...belief in the movement...organic or not... I hunger for this movement...  just as we do to travel not just here in the states but abroad... I don't know when leaving will be possible... The Miami airport is so close... we look up and watch the planes fly in and out constantly... all along imagining  boarding one to fly back overseas.... With that flight will come a great personal victory...and so we paint... 

This wall was done in Miami by 2square. To see more of this wall click on portfolio and street art.

Carol,

 

My New World Explorations have taken me from the top of the states to the bottom.. I wish i could say I’m directly across from you but i fear that I am somewhere in between.. or at least according to the map open in front of me now... if my calculations hold true it would take me at least 14 days to reach you by ship...the Miami sand that surrounds my feet is fine and silky... much like the curve of your hip...life has brought me many miles since we last sat together and looked out at this ocean..only facing the opposite way...i wonder now do you sit out at this same water pondering these ideas as i do?... i have taken out my anchor and cast it .. we have found a makeshift home here.. for now and for the time being... the city surrounding us is vibrant with life.. as am i.. the amount of energy i’m channeling through my hands is explosive.. surely you will feel it if i am ever allowed to touch you again.. i still have no idea what tomorrow will bring.. or even if it will ever come...my life is on fast forward.. in an awkward slow motion.. i hope that translates well.. everyday is still a hustle.. art, life, survival, perseverance, endurance,... either i’m rounding a corner or i just boxed one out..still your the only thing i ever go back to look at.. sometimes for a few minutes.. sometimes for just a second or 2.. a beautiful symphony now plays in my ears as i write this to you.. do you hear the same music as you read? new goals have been set.. and are further off in the distance... We have placed return to Europe or go to Brazil and Argentina at the top of our list.... i guess only time will tell which one will win.. as of now both are being contemplated...I have.. We have... “Found” a good place here in Miami.. it will be hard to leave...i’m “trying”.... to be open... in a strange closed off kind of way... 3 or 4 months is a long time for us to stay in one place.. maybe a lifetime at this point... riders approach... maybe they lack your finesse... or i lack the enthusiasm... still they give way or i give way.. but thats the same story.. i don’t have to waste your time telling you in this letter...the paint is starting to get paid for.. and our work is beginning to be commissioned... whenever we need or want for something we will it into our lives... the power of thought is increasing in dollars as much as my own common sense.. still there are few cents to spare... commissioned or not... i have fallen in love with this city.. just the same as i have with many before it.. and i you.. i fear when i leave it will break a piece of my heart just the same as when i left you...still we must continue down the road.. painting and having exhibitions as we travel.. pushing ourselves harder.. as we push ourselves further down the road... everyday is different.. bringing a different cast of characters... as we cast our net farther out in to the sea.. my love.. my lady.. may you sleep well.. and stay healthy.. as my thoughts for you are still as deep as a well...jv

Carol,

I've approached this clearing with caution... These women aren't real..I see it as clear as the back of my hand...it's been so long since we made love... It's been so long since I made love....still I've had many lovers since we parted ways... Women from other countries, ethnicities, races... You color the words how you will...either by sheer will... Or dressed in sheer dresses... Maybe I'm searching for answers in all the wrong places... Searching for answers in my soul... Or just deep in this fresh soil....leave now this inner turmoil.. Or bury it deep deep down inside...castles made of sand rest at these tired feet...reshaped dreams... Or a warped sense of reality...no matter how we think of each other some truths remain the same... Obvious or just oblivious....righteous or reckless...tomorrow always holds mystery... Waiting on a tomorrow that never comes...sometimes it comes to soon... Are we now ancient history?....love stories with no happy endings....every time I think I may break...the  further I continue to bend...a twisted fairytale... Truth mixed with a touch of fiction... Yearning mixed with addiction... A thorough depiction... A planted seed... The writing on the wall... Do you care to read? Dark shadows always hold strong...sleep easy now my dark princess.. May we meet again in our dreams... The reality of those night escapades have escaped me... This past summer I had to pinch myself to know whether or not I was awake or sleeping...a false image of perfection... Can you imagine?... Way to picky not just with these words...dear lady time is short we only have time for a quicky....model types..s types...much to say about nothing.. In the end they're all just hype... It Really doesn't impress me much..every time I think I've bridged the gap between space and reality... I jump further into space.. Or my own reality.... Is this real or fantasy? or just another space?... My love.. My lady... I've seen all types.. Touched all types..the type men would kill for.. To be with...to touch... Or not to be without.. Still in the end it's nothing special.. Special at the time? Yes...then time passed...in this reality or space... Then the vastness comes... Well... Comes and goes... Same fucking story.. Who really cares to read?... The true diaries of Don Jaun Demarco... Or just here till dawn.. Whichever comes first...sunrises, sunsets.. I must leave soon dear lady please don't be upset....a gravity that holds no weight....will one ever find love again? Maybe he never touched love... Or maybe every time he touched one.. He touched love...For a minute or 2 he fell in love again and again... We could make a list of pros and cons... But who wants to be an x...or be locked away in some dark place? with other xcons?...My love... My lady... I often wonder... Will I ever see London again?...will I ever see you?....will I ever see the rising sun? What about the setting moon?...my love it's all finally settled in... Much like the final act... Was this a beautiful play.. Or all just a beautiful act?... Jv

Wittness 2Square's final days in London preparing for an exhibition before leaving to return to the states. This is a sad video that shows Justin and Carols last minutes.

My dear lady forgive me for not writing sooner the desire has not been entirely true to me.. Nor I to you... or you to me for that matter... You seem like a distant memory I can't quite grasp.. Before i lay you to rest... let us have this last gasp....while we take in this air let us reminisce ....I wonder were you ever real at all? Or some figment of my imagination that i now miss?.smoke and mirrors...I reach out to touch you...but it's never touching...words only mean so much..  everything i see is so out of touch..am i losing focus? Or my touch?.Still the reel spins... the reality of our situation is more than a clip on the site... Once a beautiful sight... Now just a painful one... I've jumped completely off the edge of reality...into my own insanity.... Cant say we've landed entirely in a dream state... Maybe just an unstable one... The instability is the only thing that always stays so faithful...the last time we spoke...you looked me in the eyes while speaking softly into my humble ear... On soft pillow tops we rested......Telling me you believed in me.. In us.. You could see our possibilities plain as day..ours and the 2's..sweet nothings... Whispered softly...I can hear them now as I close my eyes... What I wouldn't give to be taken back to us... To your red walls.. Your beautiful face and the flickering flame... That lite your flickering frame...I'm not sure what I expected...You should always expect the unexpected...things haven't been the same since i left your fantasy world...I wonder if I left an imprint on your heart...or just one on your sheets that wiped away when you tucked them neatly back into place ?.. It's plain to see you left more than an imprint on mine...or these sheets for that matter.. You live forever in these words that cover the wall... Occasionally I pass by these ruins.. Stirring up dust and sad memories.. The desert... The red flowers.. The castle.. The ocean and the rocks.. The love settles down and rocks.. My love my lady.. Forgive me for not writing sooner.. Not all dreams can be caught.. With a catcher or not... JV