2Square

Queen Lisbon

Friday, 24 May 2013 15:22

A classic shot from our time in Portugal many moons back by 2square.

Letters to Carol: Gold Dust Woman

Saturday, 06 April 2013 15:13

I'm back now Carol.. Back in my little home.... Tucked away in this cold/dark place.....   tonight I will go to sleep thinking about you.. Then when I wake I will wonder if the last week was a dream...were you ever here to begin with?...

 

(I wrote this a couple of months ago when Carol was supposed to come to Miami. 2 dates were cancelled and then she arrived on the 3rd.)

Today is a special day Carol..today is my birthday..  almost one full year has passed since our final meeting..  i spent my birthday with you last year.. i remember waking up while you slept and writing Time Travel... it was as much a gift for myself as it was to you and the readers...after the miles began to separate us... we began quickly to separate from each other....we never speak anymore...the only way we greet each other is with the occasional ... :) ....or sometimes a <3...truthfully they never make me smile ....and i find no heart in these symbols either.......i’m sure we have both grown much since leaving London.. .. I feel a little new growth inside myself everyday.....i came back to the United States while you returned home to Portugal....since leaving i’ve written many words regarding my thoughts and feelings about you and life.. what couldn’t be written i pushed into the walls with all the force i could muster with every can that touches my fingertips.... i wield brushes and words like knives throwing them at targets... just the same as these spray cans...... a magician and his deck of cards... or Michael Jordan at the 3 point line...the clock counts down....5,....4,....time slows.......3..release.....2,....1.... swish.... confidence... control.. even in the eye of the storm..... some days for a second or 2 i feel depleted and spent... but most of the time i burn with a wild fury inside my stomach that makes me walk paces in the ground as i work from day to day........ i didn’t know what to expect upon my return back to the states... what would or wouldn’t happen?... i was such a fool to think i could return to Europe again so soon..the Amazing Race flew us to Los Angeles but didn't come through and we never had a chance to compete for the prize money.... since returning Jeremiah and i have had million dollar meetings at long tables with men in dark suits... they always promise us the world.. they hold us close at first whispering sweet nothings in our ears... i swear sometimes it makes my toes curl....and then they always hold us further away at arms length held in place by a thin string...wait,..... wait, .....wait for it....then they cut the string...after the final release we never hear from them again...this looks like a pattern...its heartbreaking...  everyday I wake up and paint the best i can paint.. i draw the best i could draw, i write the best i can write.. sometimes switching to Lefty to proof read my work... when that doesn’t work i switch hands and try harder with my left... everyday over and over...paint, paint, paint, write, write, write, draw, draw, draw,.... you can’t imagine my focus... in a brain with so much smog... intensity even at 1 am in the morning..with the clock ticking in my ear like it’s the last seconds of the game.....click..click ..click.....ready? wait for it.....i’ve jumped further into my mind in order to further define this definition... in which case i believe that i may have gotten lost inside these various descriptions ...... and classifications...... 2square is separated by feet in the small space that we live in at most times...but our minds are usually a million miles apart... most of the time i can guess what he’s thinking... but then again who really knows?... we both have our own devil’s to fight and paint.... when i sleep i dream of distant lands.....deserts, mountains, long stretching city’s, bright tiled buildings, stone roads that climb straight up into the sky, hot trains packed with people like rats filled with of hot stale air, canals cramed with long boats tightly packed together, 3 story parking garages filled with piles of bicycles, tall dark buildings vacant with broken windows standing tall like defeated warriors.... every city is the same..very city is different. filled with people and wild cats prowling about in search of their own delight....during these dreams I visit old friends.. we laugh and play catch up as you can only in dreams...when i wake i wonder if it was a dream or a distant memory?.. reality world and dream world begin to weave between each other like a thick blanket....it becomes harder to decipher with each day...i press on and push these thoughts aside and once again paint.....hopes, fears, fantasy life..... imagination.. reality.. they are all now one in the same.... i wonder how real you are to me now? were you ever real? really here?  was i ever really there? you are beginning to become fictional like the characters i paint on the walls and in my sketchpads..the details are become blurry.. the outline is starting to take on new forms...i no longer need pictures of you to paint you.. you exist in my mind....i paint them from here... a princess, a zombie bride, a new love, a old flame, a heartbeat, a beam from the sun....they are all here and more.. waiting in dark corners to be pulled out to the world of reality....if i pulled you out and we spoke i wonder would you sound the same as i remember?  would you move the same? every 2 steps i take closer to these dreams i step away by 2....distancing myself from the reality of the norm...excepting nothing.. accepting everything....what is the exception? in chase of becoming exceptional?... i strike this wall everyday in hopes that it may collapse... but what will i paint if it ever truly breaks and nothing is left?....what waits for us on the otherside?

Letters to Carol: Death of a Salesman

Saturday, 16 June 2012 13:06
Carol, I sit now in the tiny space I call home...however the space inside me seems infinite...limitless..expanding... Increasing by the minute...if not by the second...my journey has been a twisty road of self discovery..broken heart and recovery....addiction to you..and now myself.... Maybe I've always been addicted to myself...somehow you always came in at a close 2nd...in the end maybe that's more important to a number 2....but you know how people crave to be number 1.... I've been exploring my mind and the world around... Reaching out to it..if not reaching into it directly...sometimes reaching even further into myself... Im trying to become a better man through my actions......when I can by teaching what I've learned.....I've looked inside the darkest corners of myself...while searching continents across the globe for a pure love..only to find scattered fragments here and there.. But never a whole...no matter the image...no matter the picture.. I could always look closely and find a crack or hole....so I began to wonder...am I mad? Or did a whole she exist? My match?. complete compatability? Or if only fragments of stars surrounded me in this time and space? I hungered for more.... Does more exist? is it infinite in the space that surrounds? Limitless? As is the curvature of a hip.. Divided by the square root of 2... See even though the variables are limitless... It's not about the math.. Or the science.. even more than the chemistry ..in every case you still have to add together the properties of individuals to see compatibility... Some things can be mixed at first but slowly melt eachother away.. Like Leo and Scorpio...i know ive tried this mixture twice myself...both times a lethal dose of love erupted nearly taking down the both of us...an intense love that grabs you tightly.. But gradually squeezes the last beat out of a foolish heart...I've tasted high levels of love with 3 people... 2 of which had slightly similar variables.., the last being you...a Libra....even with you I felt a thing or 2 lacked..such as your ability to commit...but with our small window of time you never had to take that test...up until this point maybe you had been the closest to what I needed... Or at the time what i felt like I needed...after awhile...in your absence.. I continued...dating and such....but it seemed pointless... Maybe there is no match for such an unusual creature like myself? I've thought before I must admit...in the beginning of May however I met someone..she is a Sagitarius...we've spent almost every second together since....Carol I have to tell you all the previous side effects of love that I had experienced before I now feel...lack of hunger, nausea, anxiousness, dizziness...etc etc...I feel them all and more... Most importantly, She loves me. Maybe I should hold back but you know I always try to stay open in this space.. For you and the people that look in from time to time..here and all the spaces I inhabit on my daily travels of world exploration on the path to our ultimate glory...I feel certain of this..as I do the 2 that hangs from my neck...but still I am human, therefore i hunger... for love....for a familiar touch that warms my skin, soul, and heart.. I stand here now looking thru long eyelashes into big dark eyes that make me radiate heat from my very core... In them I see a love I had forgotten.. I have found and experienced this phenomenon known as love twice in just under one year..had you asked me if this would be possible before I would have said....no..maybe?.. But Not to this degree.. But then we are all separated by only a few degrees.. Or we are all just separated....I believe this to be my last letter to you Carol. With love Justin (2square)
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